Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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