I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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