Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Say something about gay babies.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I have post one night stand depression
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize