Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
