Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
