Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
