We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
