Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
