i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
