My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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