and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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