I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
