Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
