tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
