it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A bitchslap is in order.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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