I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
