I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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