So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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