That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
