Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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