I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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