He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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