would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
