I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
