She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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