I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
