Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
