When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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