Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My ass is underappreciated
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
