she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
