Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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