laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
