called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
