I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
