My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
