She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize