She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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