so that wasnt chicken after all
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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