No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
