We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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