Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize
