Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
