Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize