i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
