he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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