She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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