I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
