she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
