Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
