you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
