I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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