MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
