Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
