Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
