Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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