i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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