OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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