Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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