i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I am morally bankrupt
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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