just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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