Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
