Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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