After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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