He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
