No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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