I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He felt like a one man threesome
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
