I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
