I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
