okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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