fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's JV to your varsity
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
