she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
