that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize