New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
