I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
