you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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