i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
