watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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