he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
