Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize