Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
