She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
