1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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