Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
