Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
